What's Your Focus?

Perhaps the single greatest barrier to really communicating is our own ego. Whether in person or on the telephone, when you spend time with someone, where's your focus? First and foremost, are you fully present, or are you thinking about something or someone else, or playing with your cell phone or computer? What a message we send to someone when they know that they're not the focus of our attention [and no matter how clever we think we are, the do know].

Even if you aren't distracted by other things, are you more concerned with getting your point across or with understanding the needs and point of view of your listener(s)? Any time you focus on yourself and your goals instead of focusing on your listener you begin creating the very barriers to communication and your relationship that you wish to avoid.

We've mentioned in previous blogs that people want to feel valued. When you focus fully on them, you show them that they're the most important thing in the world to you at that time. That's a powerful message. Take a moment to remember and think of those rare individuals in your own life who always gave you their full attention when you were with them. How did that make you feel? Valued? Most of us do. The irony is that by giving you their undivided attention during the time you spent with them, that time became so full that you probably needed less of it to meet your needs and, if you're like the rest of us, you always wanted to come back. Isn't that how you want the people in your life to feel?

There are lots of techniques that can help you become a great communicator. However, unless you're fully present and give your listener your total and undivided attention, none of them'll work. In the end, it's quite simple: when you focus on yourself and your needs first, you're weak and you weaken the relationship. When you focus first on the needs of others, you're strong and you strengthen the relationship. Try it and see. Good luck. kfg