It's natural to look at the world through our own eyes and to measure everything as it relates to us. It's all about me! This is a basic, biologic survival mechanism. However, if you want to create lasting, meaningful relationships, you have to learn to transcend this basic survival mechanism and start looking at the world through the eyes of others and evaluating what you see from their point of view. In the end, that's the only way you'll ever really understand and relate to others on a deep, meaningful level.
But, you say, why can't others see things from my point of view? Why do I have to go first? Don't I count? Of course you do. In the end, you're as important as anyone else. However, if everyone demands that others see everything from their point of view first (as most seem to do, today) then their relationships will never get much deeper than their Face Book page and the deep, meaningful messages they exchange on Twitter. Steve Covey said it best in his book, 7 Habits of Highly Successful People, when he pointed out that to succeed in any relationship, you must "seek first to understand, then to be understood."
No matter where we’re from or what we’re trying to do, we're all naturally interested first in our own point of view. So, psychologically, we all instinctively want to sell from our point of view. We want to emphasize product or service features that appeal to us. That’s the natural way to do things. The only problem is, it often doesn’t work, because not everybody shares our point of view. Think about the last time you purchased something. Did you care about what interested the sales person, or were you there to meet your needs?
Did the sales person elicit your needs and wants? Did he focus on those things? Did he really try to understand what you wanted to accomplish? If necessary, did he educate you to help you make a more informed decision? If not, did you find yourself less inclined to make the purchase from him, to refer others to him or even to prolong the relationship?
Every time we sell, we have to fight our natural tendency to try to push our needs and our point of view upon our prospect or client. The key is to constantly remind ourselves that, "It's not about me." It's really, all about the client and his / her needs and wants. Keep that constantly in mind and you'll do great. Thanks and good l,uck. kfg
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Thursday, May 5, 2011
What's Your Focus?
Perhaps the single greatest barrier to really communicating is our own ego. Whether in person or on the telephone, when you spend time with someone, where's your focus? First and foremost, are you fully present, or are you thinking about something or someone else, or playing with your cell phone or computer? What a message we send to someone when they know that they're not the focus of our attention [and no matter how clever we think we are, the do know].
Even if you aren't distracted by other things, are you more concerned with getting your point across or with understanding the needs and point of view of your listener(s)? Any time you focus on yourself and your goals instead of focusing on your listener you begin creating the very barriers to communication and your relationship that you wish to avoid.
We've mentioned in previous blogs that people want to feel valued. When you focus fully on them, you show them that they're the most important thing in the world to you at that time. That's a powerful message. Take a moment to remember and think of those rare individuals in your own life who always gave you their full attention when you were with them. How did that make you feel? Valued? Most of us do. The irony is that by giving you their undivided attention during the time you spent with them, that time became so full that you probably needed less of it to meet your needs and, if you're like the rest of us, you always wanted to come back. Isn't that how you want the people in your life to feel?
There are lots of techniques that can help you become a great communicator. However, unless you're fully present and give your listener your total and undivided attention, none of them'll work. In the end, it's quite simple: when you focus on yourself and your needs first, you're weak and you weaken the relationship. When you focus first on the needs of others, you're strong and you strengthen the relationship. Try it and see. Good luck. kfg
Even if you aren't distracted by other things, are you more concerned with getting your point across or with understanding the needs and point of view of your listener(s)? Any time you focus on yourself and your goals instead of focusing on your listener you begin creating the very barriers to communication and your relationship that you wish to avoid.
We've mentioned in previous blogs that people want to feel valued. When you focus fully on them, you show them that they're the most important thing in the world to you at that time. That's a powerful message. Take a moment to remember and think of those rare individuals in your own life who always gave you their full attention when you were with them. How did that make you feel? Valued? Most of us do. The irony is that by giving you their undivided attention during the time you spent with them, that time became so full that you probably needed less of it to meet your needs and, if you're like the rest of us, you always wanted to come back. Isn't that how you want the people in your life to feel?
There are lots of techniques that can help you become a great communicator. However, unless you're fully present and give your listener your total and undivided attention, none of them'll work. In the end, it's quite simple: when you focus on yourself and your needs first, you're weak and you weaken the relationship. When you focus first on the needs of others, you're strong and you strengthen the relationship. Try it and see. Good luck. kfg
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