Giving Correction

I'm often asked the best way to correct an employee or even a family member without creating resentment and defensiveness. Below are eleven simple, effective rules that I have taught thousands of financial advisors over the years:

Rules of Thumb for Giving Feedback to Employees

1. Be sure to choose an appropriate time and place before you give feedback. A good rule of thumb is: "Praise in public, rebuke in private." In addition, it is generally unwise to respond to someone when one or both of you is angry or upset. Wait for a calm time.

2. Always establish rapport before you begin to counsel. Do this whether they have come to you or you have gone to them. It's the surest way to communicate that all important, "I care," message.

3. After you listen to what someone has said, use paraphrasing to make sure you understand what they mean and, especially, what they feel. Remember, if you're going to work from their point of view, you need to be sure you understand what it is. For example: You: "Don, it sounds as though you're feeling a little frustrated with having to work late this week. Is that right?

4. Always discuss the individual's behavior rather than the individual. For example: You: "Sally, it's important that you be in to work on time each day." [effective] Not: "Sally, you have developed the bad habit of coming in late to work." [ineffective]

5. Share your observations rather than trying to read the individual's mind regarding why he/she did something. If you don't know what someone is thinking or feeling, don't guess, ASK! Mind reading builds barriers. For example: You: "Bill, you haven't completed your assignment for the last three days. Is everything all right?" [effective ‑‑ opens further communications] Not: "Bill, it's obvious that you don't care enough about this company to even complete the projects assigned to you." [ineffective ‑‑ promotes immediate defensiveness]

6. Describe what you feel and what you have experienced rather than making judgements about the other person or their actions. Judgmental statements make people defensive and closes lines of communication instead of opening them. For example: You: "Harry, it upsets me when you criticize your team mates. It affects the morale of the entire group." [effective] Not: "Harry, you must be the most sarcastic man on earth." [ineffective]

7. Don't deal in extremes or generalities. In other words, don't label people and remember that no one is all good or all bad. Avoid words like "always" and "never." Once we label someone, we paint them into a corner that leaves them little room to improve. After all, if you think that they're always late, why should they bother to try to improve? You probably won't give them credit for it anyway. For example: You: "Bill, you have returned late from lunch three times this week. What seems to be interfering?" [effective] Not: "Bill, you're always returning late from lunch! You're never back on time! Why can't you get with the program?" [ineffective]

8. Avoid giving advice. Whether the advice is good or bad it changes the nature of your relationship. If your advice is bad (or improperly followed) and fails, he/she may blame you instead of taking responsibility for the outcome him/her‑self. If your advice is good and it works, you will have gained a dependent who will be tempted to come to you to solve all of their problems instead of doing it him/her‑self.

Of course, there will be times when it may be necessary for you to go beyond giving advice by giving an employee an order. As a rule, however, aid your employees in their exploration of alternatives until they feel comfortable in making a decision for themselves. Even if you have a better solution, let them try theirs and experience the consequences ‑‑ either good or bad ‑‑ unless their idea is illegal or unethical and/or will endanger them or the firm.

9. Before you release your emotions, ask yourself why you are communicating to begin with. Are you trying to help them and the relationship, or just to blow off steam? Remember, your emotional release may make you feel better but may also cost you both the relationship and their confidence. What value do you wish your communication to have for them?

10. Only give the person you're counseling as much "feedback" as they can handle. Most of us have many habits or failings that we could afford to improve, but when someone shares all of them with us at once they can be a little overwhelming.

In most cases, it's best to comment on only one or two behaviors in a given meeting. More than that can be both hard to remember and discouraging. Once progress has been made in those areas, praise them for their progress, then go on to the next area for change.

11.Finally, remember to "speak their language." If they have a visual orientation, use visual terms. Auditory words may only confuse them.

I'm Really Listening

Often, we become so caught up in our own agenda that we fail to really hear what another person is saying. When this happens we send a clear message that we do not value that individual and that builds a barrier between us. As we mentioned previously, while that probably isn't the message we want to send, it is often the one received.

Many authors have told us over and over that we need to be fully present when speaking with someone. However, with the constant distractions of email, text messages, the market, driving, television [you get the picture], we often find ourselves "multitasking" instead of giving our undivided attention to our listener. This is particularly common on the telephone because of the assumption that the other person -- not being able to actually see what we're doing -- doesn't know that we're involved in three other things. Sometimes, we even justify our behavior with, "Well, they're doing it, too." Ever heard that one before?

Over the last decade, dozens of studies have proven that multitasking is not only far less efficient than giving our entire focus to one task at a time, it leads to constant, costly errors. No where is this more true than in communicating with others. Whether you're speaking with a client, a loved one or a member of your staff, give them your undivided attention. You'll be surprised at the rewards.

One way to not only listen effectively to another but also to communicate that you are listening is to periodically paraphrase back to them what you think they have just said. Simply summarize what you've heard and repeat it in your own words [never just parrot something back in their words]. If you're right, they'll say so and you get credit for really listening -- you'll also learn a great deal. If you're wrong, they'll tell you and not only will you avoid further misunderstanding, but you'll get credit for trying to understand.

We all want to be valued and understood. Really listening communicates both. As Steve Covey is fond of saying, "Seek first to understand, then to be understood" and the dividends will be constant and rewarding. Try it. Thanks. kfg

What Did You Say?

Have you ever seen that sign on someone's desk that said, "I know you think you understood what you thought I said. I'm just not sure you realize that what you heard was not what I meant." Its humorous on someone's desk. Its not humorous when you're communicating to a client, peer or someone you love. Yet, here lies the root of more problems than almost any other.

During the recent market crash, and throughout the tumultuous follow-up many FAs and their teams failed to maintain their relationships with their clients for fear of having to explain how they could let them lose so much money. While that's certainly understandable, it doesn't get the job done. Remember, everything you do or fail to do sends a message to your "listener" [client, loved one, staff, etc.]. Unfortunately, especially when you fail to follow up you may find that the message they receive and understand is not what you meant.

After all, who intends to tell their clients, "I don't really care about you. I only care about your money?" No one. Yet when we fail to maintain regular contact / to explain what's happening in the market and why / to review their current situation and options and offer recommendations for the future / that may be exactly what they hear.

Keep up the courtship. Take time to listen to your clients and their frustrations and fears. Be honestly sympathetic. Avoid becoming defensive. Then help them decide what to do. Thanks. kfg

Its All About Courtship

There are still those who will tell you that sales is all about timing and price. However, today most slaes professionals will tell you that selling is all about service and relationships. These are the ways we set ourselves apart from the competition. I'm not knocking timing or price. After all, many sales opportunities appear only during brief windows and if you miss that window you've missed the opportunity no matter how good your service or potential relationship. As for price, you have to be reasonably competetive. I stress the word reasonably because in most cases you don't have to be the lowest bidder. As I mentioned in my last few postings, most of the clients you want want Ritz Carlton service and are willing to pay for it. Why? That brings us to courtship.

Courtship is the way we communicate to someone that we value them. While value can and should be communicated verbally, it must be communicated through action. Everyone wants to feel valued. Our favorite restaurants are often not the fanciest or most expensive and, sometimes, not even those with the best chefs. Often, they are those restaurants that make us feel welcomed and valued; where they remember our name, our favorite drink, even our favorite dessert. Really good ones remember our birthday and anniversary and make a big deal of it when we come on those dates. They also provide consistantly excellent service and quality.

Manitaining any relationship depends upon constant, consistant courtship and when the courtship ends, the relationship soon follows. This is true of marriage [the major reason for "falling out of love" is the end of the courtship at the marriage alter -- "Well that's done, I don't have to worry about that anymore."], friendships, parent child and, of course, clients. Once you stop courting your clients you will find them vulnerable to someone who does.

Whether you intend to or not, every day, in every way, you communicate to others how much and in what ways you value them [if at all]. The major reason for creating a client service matrix is to establish a consistant program to court your key clients and communicate how important you feel they are. Make certain that the message they receive is the one you mean to send. Thanks. kfg