Giving Correction

I'm often asked the best way to correct an employee or even a family member without creating resentment and defensiveness. Below are eleven simple, effective rules that I have taught thousands of financial advisors over the years:

Rules of Thumb for Giving Feedback to Employees

1. Be sure to choose an appropriate time and place before you give feedback. A good rule of thumb is: "Praise in public, rebuke in private." In addition, it is generally unwise to respond to someone when one or both of you is angry or upset. Wait for a calm time.

2. Always establish rapport before you begin to counsel. Do this whether they have come to you or you have gone to them. It's the surest way to communicate that all important, "I care," message.

3. After you listen to what someone has said, use paraphrasing to make sure you understand what they mean and, especially, what they feel. Remember, if you're going to work from their point of view, you need to be sure you understand what it is. For example: You: "Don, it sounds as though you're feeling a little frustrated with having to work late this week. Is that right?

4. Always discuss the individual's behavior rather than the individual. For example: You: "Sally, it's important that you be in to work on time each day." [effective] Not: "Sally, you have developed the bad habit of coming in late to work." [ineffective]

5. Share your observations rather than trying to read the individual's mind regarding why he/she did something. If you don't know what someone is thinking or feeling, don't guess, ASK! Mind reading builds barriers. For example: You: "Bill, you haven't completed your assignment for the last three days. Is everything all right?" [effective ‑‑ opens further communications] Not: "Bill, it's obvious that you don't care enough about this company to even complete the projects assigned to you." [ineffective ‑‑ promotes immediate defensiveness]

6. Describe what you feel and what you have experienced rather than making judgements about the other person or their actions. Judgmental statements make people defensive and closes lines of communication instead of opening them. For example: You: "Harry, it upsets me when you criticize your team mates. It affects the morale of the entire group." [effective] Not: "Harry, you must be the most sarcastic man on earth." [ineffective]

7. Don't deal in extremes or generalities. In other words, don't label people and remember that no one is all good or all bad. Avoid words like "always" and "never." Once we label someone, we paint them into a corner that leaves them little room to improve. After all, if you think that they're always late, why should they bother to try to improve? You probably won't give them credit for it anyway. For example: You: "Bill, you have returned late from lunch three times this week. What seems to be interfering?" [effective] Not: "Bill, you're always returning late from lunch! You're never back on time! Why can't you get with the program?" [ineffective]

8. Avoid giving advice. Whether the advice is good or bad it changes the nature of your relationship. If your advice is bad (or improperly followed) and fails, he/she may blame you instead of taking responsibility for the outcome him/her‑self. If your advice is good and it works, you will have gained a dependent who will be tempted to come to you to solve all of their problems instead of doing it him/her‑self.

Of course, there will be times when it may be necessary for you to go beyond giving advice by giving an employee an order. As a rule, however, aid your employees in their exploration of alternatives until they feel comfortable in making a decision for themselves. Even if you have a better solution, let them try theirs and experience the consequences ‑‑ either good or bad ‑‑ unless their idea is illegal or unethical and/or will endanger them or the firm.

9. Before you release your emotions, ask yourself why you are communicating to begin with. Are you trying to help them and the relationship, or just to blow off steam? Remember, your emotional release may make you feel better but may also cost you both the relationship and their confidence. What value do you wish your communication to have for them?

10. Only give the person you're counseling as much "feedback" as they can handle. Most of us have many habits or failings that we could afford to improve, but when someone shares all of them with us at once they can be a little overwhelming.

In most cases, it's best to comment on only one or two behaviors in a given meeting. More than that can be both hard to remember and discouraging. Once progress has been made in those areas, praise them for their progress, then go on to the next area for change.

11.Finally, remember to "speak their language." If they have a visual orientation, use visual terms. Auditory words may only confuse them.