I'm Really Listening

Often, we become so caught up in our own agenda that we fail to really hear what another person is saying. When this happens we send a clear message that we do not value that individual and that builds a barrier between us. As we mentioned previously, while that probably isn't the message we want to send, it is often the one received.

Many authors have told us over and over that we need to be fully present when speaking with someone. However, with the constant distractions of email, text messages, the market, driving, television [you get the picture], we often find ourselves "multitasking" instead of giving our undivided attention to our listener. This is particularly common on the telephone because of the assumption that the other person -- not being able to actually see what we're doing -- doesn't know that we're involved in three other things. Sometimes, we even justify our behavior with, "Well, they're doing it, too." Ever heard that one before?

Over the last decade, dozens of studies have proven that multitasking is not only far less efficient than giving our entire focus to one task at a time, it leads to constant, costly errors. No where is this more true than in communicating with others. Whether you're speaking with a client, a loved one or a member of your staff, give them your undivided attention. You'll be surprised at the rewards.

One way to not only listen effectively to another but also to communicate that you are listening is to periodically paraphrase back to them what you think they have just said. Simply summarize what you've heard and repeat it in your own words [never just parrot something back in their words]. If you're right, they'll say so and you get credit for really listening -- you'll also learn a great deal. If you're wrong, they'll tell you and not only will you avoid further misunderstanding, but you'll get credit for trying to understand.

We all want to be valued and understood. Really listening communicates both. As Steve Covey is fond of saying, "Seek first to understand, then to be understood" and the dividends will be constant and rewarding. Try it. Thanks. kfg